I learned to swim when I was 4 years old, after my parents put in a classy but simple pool in our backyard. My brother, Bubba, and his friends were adept swimmers already by that point, so they were free to roam to the Deep End.
Our rounded-corner rectangular pool had a 5 ft. shallow end, one I could reach with my tippy toes eventually when I was tall enough. You could rope off the shallow end to signal where exactly the mouth of the deep end drop off, and according to Primrose Pool Rules, only established swimmers could wade or swim beyond that point.
I remember spending many an afternoon lusting after being able to finally make the trek into that elusive Deep End. I learned little by little, first at the mouth of the pool, playing on the pool stairs, then into the Shallow End, where I actually learned how to hold my nose and breath and well as doggy paddle.
I was bound and determined to be able to join Bubba and his friends in their pool antics.
We had a spring back diving board, one of the old fashioned ones they stopped making due to safety concerns. As you got used to jumping off the diving board, you could learn how to jump just right to give you optimum air: you could soar through the sky, do some fancy somersaults, land in a perfect dive (if you wanted to).
The Deep End was where it was at, all the fun and games were there, only babies were stuck by the stairs playing with small plastic Barbie Shamu and Barbie mermaids, bleh (my sentiments exactly).
I refused to be marooned for long, so I learned. I was highly motivated; I’m no Michael Phelps prodigy. I’m hoping the analogy is being relayed sufficiently: I learned how to swim at four so I could hang out with my brother and his friends that’s pretty much the moral of the story. Nothing flashy about that statement.
Just like I learned to swim: with baby steps at first, tested the water, got a feel for it and used floaties if necessary – I am tackling this blog. It’s an outlet in and of itself, but also I’m not entirely sure what I plan to share of myself and what I plan to share of the world as I’ve seen it. Bubba is well adjusted, he is successful now and lives in Manhattan and his dreams are coming true and sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in the shallow end, watching all the good stuff from the baby pool.
Sometimes when I meditate, in my mind, I recall what it was like when I would go under water with goggles and look out into the Deep End. The goggles made seeing under water completely clear, so I would place myself at the edge of the shallow end and look out over the edge where the ground started it’s steep descent to the Deep End floor.
In my recollections, the line of water above my head is forever fluid, showing a distorted image of the blue mid afternoon sky, not a cloud in sight.
I can feel immersed, mystified by the deceptive blue vastness. I can hold that image forever if I’d like to, always gazing into the eyes of the Deep End, marveling how much deeper it is from this vantage point as opposed to looking at it from on land through the clear water to the bottom.
Despite not living in that house (let alone swimming in our old pool) for at least 5 years, I can still remember vividly the images of what it felt like to push off that little ledge, charge through the waves, cutting through the water like Nessie was chasing me. I can feel the anticipation of starting at the back of the diving board for a trotting head start, the force of my weight flowing all the way down my legs through my calves, dead ending at the balls of my feet, the returning push back from the spring mechanism which would catapult me up, catching air, casting myself out into the blue abyss head first.
Maya Angelou once said “I’ve learned that I’ve still got a lot to learn.”
My only goal with this blog is to take that step off the ledge, look into the immenseness of my own soul (waxing poetic here myself), and learn what I can and then share what I learn. I hope to shed light on my sunken secrets, give them a chance to breathe fresh air, even if it’s for the very last time. I wish to explore the depths of my memories and grasp the real Ashley Primrose, and maybe in the meantime heal the broken vessel of myself.
If you have any questions for me or comments, please feel free to ask. I am super reachable, putting this bloggy together has been pretty tough but I know it’s nothing I can’t accomplish. I have a lot of ideas, specifically for future ventures, but please again, the beauty of the internet is that it allows us to reach out and communicate with each other so simply, so please don’t hesitate to ask anything.
All my love,